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SMILE ON ME

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

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Sandee Goddard

Unbelievable stupidity

 

 

 

 

Stupidity Hope this makes you smile... EVER WONDER where we are heading...

 

 

 

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

 

 

 

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

 

 

 

Why you don't ever see the headline: "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

 

 

 

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

 

 

 

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

 

 

 

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

 

 

 

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is

 

made with real lemons?

 

 

 

Why the man who invests all your money is called a Broker?

 

 

 

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

 

 

 

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

 

 

 

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

 

 

 

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

 

 

 

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the

 

indestructible black box?

 

 

 

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

 

 

 

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

 

 

 

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

 

 

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

 

 

 

AND...

 

 

 

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of

 

stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

 

 

On a Myer hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.

 

(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

 

 

 

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details

 

inside.

 

 

(The shoplifter special?) On a bar of Palmolive soap: Directions: Use like

 

regular soap.

 

(And that would be how???)

 

 

 

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost.

 

(But, it's just a suggestion).

 

 

 

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert

 

(printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".

 

(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

 

 

 

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".

 

(And you thought????...)

 

 

 

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body.

 

(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

 

 

 

On Boot's ChildrenCough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery

 

after taking this medication.

 

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could

 

just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

 

 

 

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness.

 

(And...I'm taking this because???)

 

 

 

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only.

 

(As opposed to...what?)

 

 

 

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".

 

(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

 

 

 

On Nobby's peanuts:

 

"Warning: contains nuts.

 

(Talk about a news flash!)

 

 

 

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

 

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.

 

(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

 

 

 

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for this one: On a child's

 

superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".

 

 

 

On a Swedish Chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or

 

genitals".

 

(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

 

 

 

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the

 

stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

THIS WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH I HOPE

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

Tagged in: Untagged 

Sandee Goddard

        Before I lay me down to sleep,

        I pray for a man, who's not a creep,

 

        One who's handsome, smart and strong.

 

        One who loves to listen long,

 

        One who thinks before he speaks,

 

        One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

 

        I pray he's gainfully employed,

 

        When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

 

        Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

 

        Massages my back and begs to do more.

 

        Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

 

        Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

 

        I pray that this man will love me to no end,

 

       And always be my very best friend.

 

 

 MAN'S POEM

 

 

      I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs

 

       who owns a liquor store and a golf course.

 

      This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit

LOVE TO BE LOVED BY YOU

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

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Sandee Goddard

Loved To Be Loved By You

No words can express my love

No one can compare

You are my lighted torch

That guides me from despair

At that moment

I had gazed Into your eyes of bliss

I knew my life would change

But I never expected this

You always ease my pain

With your voice of song

Running your fingers through my hair

This is where we belong

When you press your lips to mine

I know our flame is lit

This feeling I have for you

I know I wont forget

You make me feel special 

With all the little things you do

You always make me smile

And I love to be loved by you

ã All rights preserved and protected


WRITING A POEM

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

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Sandee Goddard

Writing a poem is usually easy

but this one's quite insane

To think of all the things to say

And try and ease your pain.

 

Your going through a difficult time

so things can only inprove

But only you can make it happen

to get things on the move.

 

It hurts me to see you so depressed

and not know what to do

I only hope you find a way

because I don't have a clue.

 

You know I love you heaps and heaps

and you think life is bad

But I am always here for you

because I am your Mum.

 

Only you need to stop and think

about what's happening here

And try real hard to make it right

to help you make a career.

 

Remember daughter that life is short

and life is what you make it

You deserve the very best

it's out there so go find it.


SOLITUDE

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

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Sandee Goddard

Solitude embraced me

not that long ago

when I stood alone

realizing how much

I really didn't know

rain falls outside

conforting sadness

that lies deep within my soul

how alone I am

and did not know

my friends are fading

like the light from this day

only no horizon

to make me want to stay enveloped by darkness

no one else knows

for each souls darkness

is their own

ã All rights preserved and protected


HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

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Sandee Goddard

Your presence is a gift to the world, You're unique and one of a kind. Your life can be what you want it to be - Take it one day at a time.
Count your blessings, not your troubles, And you'll make it through what comes along. Within you are so many answers, Understand, have courage, be strong.
Don't put limits on yourself, Your dreams are waiting to be realized. Don't leave your important decisions to chance - Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying - The longer a problem is carried, the heavier it gets. Don't take things too seriously - Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.
Remember that a little love goes a long way - Remember that a lot goes forever. Remember that friendship is a wise investment, Life's treasures are people... together.

ã All rights preserved and protected


A TEAR FELL

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

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Sandee Goddard

I shed a tear today Silently, I felt it fall You caught it
shared it
held it felt it then suddenly
it wasn't so big after all .


THE BEST OF FRIENDS

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

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Sandee Goddard

The best of friends,
Can change a frown,
Into a smile,
When you feel down.

The best of friends,
Will understand,
Your little trials,
And lend a hand.

The best of friends,
Will always share,
Your secret dreams,
Because they care.

The best of friends,
Worth more than gold,
Give all the love,
A heart can hold.

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THE GREATEST GIFT

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

Tagged in: Untagged 

Sandee Goddard

The greatest Gift,
in the end
was a family
and a Friend.
An ear to lend
a hand to hold,
and you,
my Friend -
your heart of gold.

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UNESSECCARY NOISES

Posted by: Sandee Goddard in MyBlog

Tagged in: Untagged 

Sandee Goddard

Every time I open my mouth.

I hear myself complain.

There are so many good things

But I just speak of pain.

I regret the moment afterwards

However by then its much too late.

I am so surprised to hear it,

Even more amazed to see,

Some friends so understanding

When I cry or moan or whinge!

 

I think the time has come

To stop this sad charade

For life cannot be all bad....

For I have chosen to stay.

There are too many good reasons

To be here where I am.

So I must take stock and work on it,

Stop talking only of the sad.

 

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